So now that most people meet online I’m sure we have all been misled on a  1^st date / initial meeting (at one time or another). For the life of me I don’t understand how anyone ever thinks they will be able to get away with it. I’m all about putting up your best photos and peacocking a bit but it all needs to be within reason of who you still are. Who the F thinks their “winning” personality is going to overcome 20lbs, 10 years, or the fact it’s a completely other person showing up.

Chicks are as bad as – if not worse – than guys now. I don’t want to be a dick but… if you’re going to lie to me and waste my time I’m gonna mess with you and get a laugh out of it.

So when this happens, here are some suggestions for this to break the ice with:

Fat Girls

• Oh hi, sorry have you recently had an issue with your Thyroid?
• We might need to reschedule this for later in bikini season.
• I see what you did during the pandemic…
• It’s you!!! I’ve had a crush on you ever since you started your FetLife account.
• I totally saw you from a mile away, thank god there’s more of you to love.

Noticeably Older/Younger

• Um, what year is this?
• Let’s wait for the guy from Dateline to pop out before we get into this.
• I really wish I was Marty McFly right now.
• You remind me of a older/younger <insert celeb name that totally doesn’t look like them>

Who the fuck are you?

• Okay where’s the hidden camera?
• I’m sorry I was waiting for another person named ____
• Shame on me for thinking everything on the internet is true
• Didn’t we chat on onlyfans last night?
• Jinx! Buy me a coke
• Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?
• Just meow at them
• Take a piece of paper and pen out and write down “I’m a deaf mute but read lips very well”