One of the worst decisions you can ever make is dating someone at work. This is especially true if the person is under you in rank or on the admin-support side of things. Well, I was that idiot, more than once.

One day at the office a cute, all be it, uniquely odd female with a 1950’s pin-up girl vibe starts at my office as the receptionist.

Over the course of the next few weeks we cross paths in the morning and when I have sales people come to see me (so pretty often). As the weeks go by flirty vibes, turn into looks, which evolve to comments then an interesting moment.
One day the executive assistant to all the high ranking officers in my company comes over to me and asks me what I think of ‘the receptionist’.

This felt like something totally out of high school in the way it all went down – with the whole – Do you happen to like anyone in the office? Would you ever go out on a coffee date with a co-worker?

I know what and who he is talking about so I specify that the only way it’s going to happen is if this becomes a complete separation of church and state in terms of work me and personal me. I needed to be upfront about this because the repercussions could be severe.

At the same time, I totally thought that this girl was super cute and I was so into it.

We go out and it was a great time – at first. She’s telling me about how this is only a temporary gig and how she really saw herself working on stage acting or as a burlesque artist in some sort of performing career.

I’m thinking – well if she just moved here this isn’t a terrible means to an end stop – maybe I’ll tell her about some of the people I knew in the arts.
But I just say “I’d love to see you perform one day”.

Eventually, I did see her perform in an independent theater production, way off Broadway. It was so bad I could hear the 15 other people watching it with me comment “WTF are they doing – this makes no sense…”

I came to find out the whole story.
Her reality was: a lost soul trying to make something work, she been bouncing around the city for the past two and a half years coming from <what I later found out to be true> a messed up rural family situation where her lesbian older sister was kicked out of the house when she came out – the sister moves to Brooklyn and encourages the younger sister (receptionist) to join. After a year of struggle in a junior college for the arts the receptionist ends up moving to BK to join her sister. The two find an overpriced but super hip Carrol Gardens apartment that was pretty huge for NYC standards. Between the two of them they can easily afford the rent for the oversized 1BR. -BUT – a few months into having it the older sister gets offered a gig in San Francisco and takes it leaving “My New Friend” putting her in an awkward situation and needing to figure out how to pay the full rent.

Thus how she found to way into the receptionist role.

So things are going well over the first couple weeks. We agree to keep it casual as we have pretty different schedules. She’s working a 2^nd job – as a coat check girl & hostess – at a high end steak house. With most of her remaining free time she’s trying to make the acting thing happen. Our time together pretty much revolves around late night hang sessions that evolve into sleep overs. She has a dog but – no worries – the pup seems to be fairly chill – so I don’t think much of it.

As the months proceed, a few people start to pick up on the fact the receptionist and I seem to be coming to work at the same time – a lot.

I’m enjoying thing status quo but then a few hiccups start to happen.
– She actually lands a role at some tiny theater in Brookyln that pays practically nothing, but she decides she needs the resume building experience and takes it.
– That means she has to give up most of her nights at the steak house
– No 2^nd income with the rehearsal schedule equates to her now needing to get a dog walker <bc she can’t go home right after work> and find a roommate to offset the loss of income and additional cost of taking care of the dog.

I’m thinking no biggie, maybe another female might help balance her off as she doesn’t really have any real friends.

<Yeah I wasn’t picking up on all the red flags, it was just fun and easy at the time>

Next thing I know her roommate is one of the production guys I’m working closely with from the office. That basically means the sneaky little thing we had going is no longer realistic. Before I even had a chance to figure out what to do or how to handle it - she tells me – “don’t worry I spoke with *the new roommate* and he promised to not say anything”.

Fuuuuuu……gh$%$%@$#%@$#%^

So now it’s out there and the whole office knows. It’s super awkward now because I can’t run from it and we can’t even have fun at my place because she has to go home and spend time with the dog she now feels she’s neglecting.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot and slowly start to separate – creating space in the relationship.

Then, out of nowhere, the dog gets sick and ends up needing treatment that will cost a few thousand dollars. That’s when sh*t goes sideways.

She asks me for the money and I’m not comfortable with that. Well that might have been a poor decision.
Up until now, I had no idea the receptionist was on daily meds for a bi-polar disorder. Over the span of the next few weeks, we stopped talking as she became erratic and disconnected. I’m not sure how to handle things and I want everything at work to be cool so I try to give her a call one day when I know she will be home alone.

That’s when everything got wacky. Over the phone she’s normal at first. Then starts to cry about how she almost lost her dog. Tells me it’s all my fault, and that she stopped taking her bi-polar medicine BUT it’s okay because now she feels better than ever.
A few minutes passed and then she tells me the best line ever “You know ____ you really changed when I stopped taking my medicine. Only then I understood who I was dealing with as I know you were really hiding who you were from me”.

I have no idea how to respond so I ask to meet in person to just settle everything like adults.

Unfortunately, that meeting had to happen at work during lunchtime. Where I witnessed the hot mess, she was becoming not being on her bi-polar medicine. I’m stressing out because I know this girl is a ticking time bomb…

Fortunately, this all happened at a time in my life when things just seemed to magically work out. The day after all this drama a corporate miracle of sorts happens. An email gets sent to everyone at the office saying our company is going to be merged with another sister company. We will be moved to a new office location in a few weeks time. This doesn’t affect anything on my end but in a team meeting I came to find out all the redundant staff members at our company will be let go prior to the merger.

Within a matter of weeks, we merge and I never see the receptionist again. On the first day we are in the new office the operations manger, who came over with us, pulls me off to the side and makes a few jokes about how I dodged a bullet. Turns out when the receptionist found out she was going to be let go she told everyone about her medical condition, thinking that would help as they would take pity on her. To the contrary, disclosing that information sealed her fate as they didn’t want to have a potential liability working in any role that involved interaction with outside vendors or clients.

I hear a few months later, as most of the staff was getting systematically downsized, the product guy who became her roommate – started dating the receptionist.

*He got let go the same week I heard that* ^{Not my doing!}

All in all, the whole situation was kind of sad. I don’t wish this stuff to happen to anyone but picking your dog over your own health and wellness is a tough pill to swallow.