Turns out you can Bullshh a Bullshhhh-er:
– You just have to be attractive and deflect any conversations or topics you don’t want to address with your Hot Chick tricks developed and mastered over the years.

My mom is 100% Polish from a family whose relatives only married other Polish people. Back in the late 1960s it was a bit of a family scandal that she ended up with someone who was 75% German with the other 25% a mix of Austrian & Polish. While my immediate family members don’t look stereotypical Polish I have always had a soft spot for Polish women (especially Blonde ones).

Years back I met this fit, tall, attractive Polish girl in the city. I thought she was right off the Plane (maybe a year or two in this country). I later came to find out the long story of how she got here – which I’ll get into a bit further in the story.  

We exchange numbers and discuss grabbing a drink after work one day. In trying to figure out a day that work best for both of us she takes the lead and starts pushing for a late happy hour on the upcoming Thursday. That day I’m co-hosting a early happy hour sync up with a client. I tell her I should be able to leave by 6:30-ish and where it is – is about 20 blocks (10-15 minutes) from where we are trying to meet (she picked the spot, it was by her job).
Normally I like to come up with the plans but I appreciated the proactive nature of things.

Day of, we confirm the date and I remind her I’m coming from a work event so I’ll try my best to make it at the planned time.

Fast forward to later. I leave the happy hour early, jump on the subway and get held up with some minor delays. I’m texting her the updates and roll in 10 minutes late.

She’s Gone

I call her up and she just starts yelling at me – saying that her time is valuable, and it was rude of me to waste it. I’m a bit taken back, but I profoundly apologize and ask if we can still hang out. She tells me she’s on the train going to see some friends and is no longer in the area. I tell her to enjoy the time with friends and to give me a call later to discuss further.

Well, I call her later that night and get her to agree to meeting me Saturday for a lunch date at Grand Banks (it’s a nice spot on the water). We meet and the conversation is pretty interesting. We are both peacocking to each other, talking about how great our life is and all the cool things we have done. I’m impressed by her fitness modeling competitions throughout the years, as well as what she told me about building a Woman In Business networking community.
I do detect a few hints of BS and embellishment but I let it go. I didn’t want to come across as being negative.

After lunch we walk around a bit and that was pretty much it. She says she has to go home. I ask where home is? – thinking it’s in Manhattan <as she previously stated>, as I suggest I’ll give her a ride.

She’s thinking about it as we start walking towards my car. Multi-tasking: She says, she’s going to look up uber. I playfully nudge her and she quickly says “it would be out of the way” for me. While she’s doing that, I point and tell her “my car is right over there, so let me know what the plan is”.

She looks up, sees my car <smiles>, and quickly puts the phone away. She’s going to  take the ride with me. <I have a nice car!>

Once we get in I ask her where we are going. That’s when I learn about Midwood, Brooklyn – 20 to 45 minutes driving deep into BK.  

Regardless I suck it up and chat with her during the ride. I ask her why she chose to live in Midwood and she gives me some answer about her roommate getting a deal then forcing it.

<Sidebar – I later find out the roommate is her Mom and she’s living there rent free>

Over the next 2 weeks we meet up a few times and things are trending in a good direction but this girl is tough to read. This was a time in my life almost every weekend, I got out of town. As we as progressed towards our 4^th date I’m a bit frustrated we haven’t gotten past making out. That upcoming weekend I had plans on the calendar to see one of my best friends who recently moved to Charleston, SC. Thinking ‘I need to get this girl out of the city if I’m gonna bang her’ I ask my buddy if it’s cool to bring a date for the weekend. He’s fine with it because he’s been living with his GF for a couple months now so a female buffer might be nice.

I invite her – she says yes – we go down.

Champagne waiting for us at check in, a lovely kiss afterwards.
We go up to the room – bang bangs!!!

So we start dating and over the next couple months I’m happy to be banging a hot chick but also realizing I’m dating someone I don’t really know. When we are together we’re constantly doing things or with other people. It’s dynamic, and fun but we don’t really have conversations with each other. It’s typically one of us telling a story or going on a rant about something.

I know a handful of things about this girl, but no proper details and I don’t really have a storyline of her life before coming to the US as well as what she did when she got here. You might have also guessed – I don’t know how she got her citizenship either.

It’s not that I didn’t try to get to know her better. She just made any attempt to do so either uncomfortable or deflected it so the focus would be on something else.

But why rock the boat.
Tall, Attractive, Big Titty Blondes don’t come around every day. Just stop thinking about it and be happy.

Over the months I got a bit more of the story AND it has some interesting tidbits. Odd disconnected facts start to surface as I’m piecing it all together.

• The roommate mom thing was unavoidable. Her mom is a cleaning lady for a wealthy Jewish family, she speaks almost no English, and is living in her employers  2br guest apartment. <Polish Cleaning Lady – so stereotypical>
• She changed her name when she came to the US
• Her job is basically a receptionist gig at a Cyber Security company. To her credit, she does a masterful job at manipulating a lot of the people that work there. All the guys over 40 want to bang her, half the girls don’t talk to her bc they think she’s beneath them, the other half are hipster geeky wallflowers she befriends taking the Alpha Female role in their life. The year she’s been working as an admin she is learning parts of the business from her female crew with the goal of pitching the CRO to pivot her to a sales team.
  I’m also pretty sure at some point in time (before I dated her) they hooked up. <super creepy looks and light touching between them>
• Her father and brother are never spoken about. Any attempt to discuss is put off to the side. I have to respect any personal matter like that.
• Unlike the broken English I’m forced to listen to the older sister speaks perfect English. She is very smart, has a killer tech job, and got married to a cool guy while working on contract in Ireland. They live in SF now but visit often.
• She is super religious. But with a catch… While she is baptized Catholic she likes to go to these bible study church retreats. <Crazy Borderline Cult Stuff>. I got dragged to one meeting and I left half way through. It was bizarre brainwashing of kumbaya sh*t that scared me. I got right in front of it afterwards and told her I’m not having it. She can go and do whatever she wants, I will not be part of it nor will I allow it in my place.

Timeout for Jesus!
Over time, I come to find to find out how she got into the Bible Cult stuff. About a year or two before I knew her she was in the States dating some Albanian mob guy. She 100% knew he did bad stuff but never wanted to know any detail of the: What, Where, Why, or How part of his job.
The important detail that makes things go sideways was – one day she found out that he definitely killed a bunch of people.
<Not sure how she gained this knowledge, but side that’s when everything got too REAL>

• This is where is gets fun –

Because of the darkness surrounding this guy MY GF TELLS ME a spiritual demon started to stalk her. Eventually the entity attaches itself to her.
<Pretty sure that was her subconscious telling her to stop being a Ho for the money & nice things – it’s Blood Diamond sh*t>

To get rid of this demon she breaks up with the guy then flies back to Poland where she spends 7 months in some convent or monastery to cleanse her soul.

Finding out those nuggets of knowledge I start thinking WHAT TO DO???
“Does the sausage taste good?” – if so – “Do you really want to know what’s in it?”

Well I can’t help myself. I’m a curious cat and I need to investigate, even if it’s for the worst.

So about 5 months into the relationship I systematically start to ask some harmless probing questions, trying to see if answers to certain things change over time. When it’s just her and I get nowhere. We either start having sex or she has to make a phone call. She’s smart enough to know not to engage with me or even let conversation on topics about her and her past happen.
Slightly different outcome when I bring it up around select friends or her co-workers. Definitely pisses her off when she’s put on the spot. This usually results in an emotional response to deflect or loss of English with a bunch of Polish words following.

Time marches on… and it’s now Christmas time.
I finally introduce her to my mom and the first meeting goes well. We then have a follow up with both sides of the family, which is a bit awkward. My mom and her mom try to communicate in Polish but my mom hasn’t spoken it since she was a child and that doesn’t work out well.
We agree to do Xmas eve with her family then Christmas day with mine.

I ask her if we can exchange gifts not in front of the family and she initially agrees. Then last minute she takes her gifts from under our tree while leaving my house. When I call her out on it she said she “didn’t want to have nothing under the tree at my mom’s house”j

In reality the real reason was she wanted to show off what I got her to her family. In addition to that,  rub it in the face of her sister who was in town from SF for the holiday.

As for me, I’m curious what she got me. She tell me my gift is in her bedroom. The box is too large and heavy to put in the living room near the tree. After when it comes town for her to present it to me I’m very curious what the heck it might be.

When I open it I see a big metal oven of sorts…. I ask “what is it?” and she replies “it’s a BBQ smoker”.

Umm… okay_____??? Thanks?

I’m honestly not sure what to say. I live in a 2br condo, no balcony or outdoor space. After thinking about what to say for a minute I ask “so where is this going to live?”

She looks at me with confusion. I then clarify “Smokers – produce smoke and need to be outside in a well ventilated area. I’m not sure where that would be given where we both live. Maybe my mom’s house but how are we going to get this 150lbs monstrosity there? <my car won’t fit it>

<<I have no idea what ever happened to it, that was the last time I ever heard or saw it. Never got a replacement gift>>

Next day, we go to my mom’s. Christmas for me is all about salty snacks and bottles of wine while we veg-out waiting for an early dinner. No need to over think it. Take you wine and snacks over to the tree and get comfortable. While I’m doing that with my brothers, my girlfriend decided to put in some quality time with my mom.
<Important to not my mom is a very smart and talented Chemist. While she’s a girlie-girl at heart, she can easily toggle over to book smart savvy scientist when needed.>

I check in with my GF to make sure she’s okay, and tell her I’ll be in the other room hanging out by the tree with wine. Join when you want to.

So 45 minutes pass and I peak my head in the kitchen. All seems well as the two ladies are talking. Hour later I’m thinking, ‘what the heck are they talking about…’ I never even get that level of conversation.

Additional time follows and now it’s close to dinner. I pop into the kitchen and jokingly say “okay you two, break it up now… I’m stealing her back”

GF comes out and we are about 30-45 from dinner time. I immediately get the cold shoulder from her and ask if everything is okay. She tells me she needs to make a few phone calls and goes into another room. I don’t think anything of it and go watch TV.

Now it’s dinner time. I go get her and she’s just sitting in my old room on her phone pressing buttons. I ask her what’s going on and she seems flustered and says “nothing…”

Both of us wash up and go to the dining room. As we are passing the food around my GF stands up and says “I need to use the bathroom”. That seemed a bit odd but I walk her up to it and ask again if she needs anything.

Well after a few minutes waiting for her. I go upstairs and check again. She’s locked in the bathroom and tells me to leave her alone. I go back downstairs and let everyone know it’s okay to eat.

Everyone finishes their meal and my mom is concerned my GF might be sick. I get her out of the bathroom and she tells me we need to go outside.

We get outside and she flips out on me. Apparently I was supposed to check in every 20 minutes she was in the kitchen talking to my mom. She wanted another glass of wine and didn’t feel comfortable asking my mom or excusing herself to get me.

I push back with this gripe. It’s not the 1^st time she’s been at my mom’s house, nor the first time she had a conversation with my mom. I did check in but clearly stated where I would be and that she should join me when ready.

Later in talking with my mom. I find out the real reason she ran away was my mom started asking her basic questions about who she is. Unable to deflect her with her usual tricks she started lying to her and making up stories about her past.

To that effect, my mom tells me she doesn’t trust her and that she story sounded fishy on so many levels.

Well that was the start of the end.

I drive her home that night and then don’t hear from her till January 2^nd. On that day she tells me she’s signed up for weekend church retreats for the next three weekends.

So a month passes and I barely hear from her. I’ve pretty much accepted the break up and ask for my key back and the when/where for giving her – her stuff back.

A day and a half later it’s a Friday night and she texts me in the afternoon saying she’s going to go to my place after work, she would like to talk about a few things.

That night, I just so happen to have a pilot friend in town on a layover. We made plans to hang out and grab dinner together.

I’m debating how to best convey this information to her:

• On one hand –  I have dated this girl for about 8 months and while not perfect we do enjoy each others company and feel very confident if we ever made babies they would be spectacular
• On the other hand – she refuses to trust me and open up. After ruining Xmas diner, she blows me off for a month and when she decides when convenient for her turn up at my door, expecting me to stop what I’m doing and cater to her.

I go with: What time will you be at my place? I left work early tonight to hang out with my buddy Philip in town on a layover. I’ll make sure to be back around the same time you are.

Crickets for a few hours then at 6/6:15pm I get a text saying she’s out of work and will be at my place 7pm.

Ughs – I’m out with my buddy and his first officer having a fun time. I’m about a 20/25 walk back to my place or a 10-15 uber/taxi. By the time I finish my drink I would need to hustle back if walking. I decide I’ll take a cab and get another drink.

When it’s time to order the car surcharge pricing is in effect and a $7-9 ride is now $22. I deem that unacceptable so I start to walk and see if the price will go down. Long story short, it doesn’t and I get back to my place 7:15pm.

I walk in to find a note on the door saying “you suck” and all of her stuff taken.

A 6 weeks later the Pandemic happens

Two Years pass

I get a text message from the Polish chick out of the blue one day. lJust a friendly, I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you were doing. After a bit of a back and forth we agree to meet. To my surprise, she finally moved out of my mom’s place and to the Upper East Side in a 1BR. Her plan of pivoting to a Cyber Security sales support role actually happened and once she got some real world experience was able to pass some accreditation that motivated her to change job and earn more.

All of these sounded very impressive. She went from a savvy hot chick piggybacking off of others to a full-fledged grown-up. Finally able to take care of herself without the help of others. <So I  thought…>

We get back together. In telling my friends every single one of them said it was a bad idea. Fun sex and nice arm candy only goes so far. They each encouraged me to not settle for leftovers and so find someone else… anyone else.

I don’t listen. Within 2 months I’m basically sleeping over her place at least 3 out of 7 nights. A few weeks in she approaches me wanting to talk about something serious. Over a cup of tea she tells me she wants try to take this to the next level. She wants a kid and is not getting any younger. From now on she wants me to finish inside her.

Woah!!!

I’m a little skeptical about this. We just got back together and haven’t even addressed our past problems. In addition to that I still don’t fundamentally know anything about her. I ask to think about it but in her mind, me not walking away equates to a YES let’s do it.

Next time we have sex she’s pulling me in and I’m telling her wait wait wait I never fully agreed to this. Knowing there would be no way to reason with her I get the bright idea of taking pills to temporarily lower my sperm count – thus reducing the odds of her getting prego.

This goes on for another month and I finally confront her with what I need to know in order to be comfortable with making a baby.

It’s simple: tell me your story – not the fluffed up BS version the real story of who you are and how we got to where we are now. I need to know details about the foundations that made her who she is.

Why? Because this cold-disconnected women was so hard to read. That made me uncomfortable and was one of the main reasons we never fully bonded with one another.

Her answer: “I’ll think about it”

In the back of my head, I pretty much know it’s never meant to be. But because of the shitty way we ended the first time I’m thinking – let’s just have fun and ride it out till its conclusion.

Another couple weeks pass.
There’s an important situation happening with one of my friends.
My best friend during elementary school had tragedy strike is family a few months ago. Even though we don’t talk that much these days, I still consider him a good friend. His mom passed away from a very quick and aggressive cancer, shortly after (a few months) being diagnosed. I haven’t spoken to him for for almost a year <after a couple outreach efforts> and finally heard back from him.

We make a plan to catch up and grab some beers near where he lives.

At the same time the Polish GF approaches me saying: “I want to go to the Opera” <it’s June>

While her request sounds simple there’s complexity to it.

• What type of opera do you want to see? Comedy, Drama, Suspense….
• What language do you want to hear the music in?
• Where should we go? It’s the off-season so we might need to look outside of NYC

I ask her these questions and she just looks at me, shakes her head and says “I don’t know, let’s just go to the Opera and figure it out”.

Important to call out this is the same person who made me walk out of two movies in theaters (1 bc it was too long, the other bc the actors were speaking too fast and she couldn’t follow it) and loves to stop a show or movie 15 to 20 minutes in if the vibe doesn’t suit her.

So knowing the way she is I’m not trying to drop a couple hundred dollars on a nice night out without her doing some research upfront to understand what she’s signing up for.

The funny thing about this Opera request is she can’t tell me why she wants to go so bad. I eventually learn it’s because she bought a new fancy dress and needed an event to wear it to. <not sure why she couldn’t just tell me that>

And now the PERFECT STORM

• I make a plan, on a specific day with my old BF. I tell the Polish chick the details a week in advance.
• A day and a half before the day I’m going to go see if she tells me she might be able to get tickets to something at Lincoln Center. She asks me to reschedule with my friend. I say no. This is important to me.
• Day before, she gets tickets to something from a vendor she finds annoying
  <one of her weekly rants is typically about some partner or vendor trying to turn the professional relationship into a personal one *trying to bang her*, these free tickets came from one of those harassments *therefore it’s not harassment if you lean into it and use it to your advantage*>
• She decides to test me. The Polak gives me an ultimatum: reschedule seeing your friend and come with me to the event or else we are finished
  <while it was only drinks with a friend the fact him mom recently passed away and this is the first time I’ve had a chance to catch up with him I deemed this to be important>

Day of, I pick my friend. She calls  me up. Asks where I am. Then tells me: We are finished. I am putting all of your stuff in a box downstairs by the front door. I suggest you come and get it.

I call her up – she answers and hangs up. I then text her multiple times says “I don’t have a key”, “please do not throw my values out”, “I am seeing my friend who’s mother died tonight – don’t punish me for that”.
Plus – There’s no way for me to get in.

Her response: people are always coming in and out. Just wait for the door to open and get it.

She then says she’s going out of town for the weekend. I tell her to go F herself then say a few other mean things. I’m shocked she would do such a thing but in the back of my mind I’m thinking – it’s just a ideal threat. No one would really do that. That’s super messed up.

***We aren’t talking about a few shirts and socks here. There’s about $1,000-1,250 worth of stuff (watch, work clothes, kitchen supplies, cutlery, and my back-up baseball mitt)***

This all goes down on a Friday, I reconnect with her Monday and sure enough she did put everything in a box and it got taken. I’m livid!!!!  The one item I cared the most about was the baseball mitt. That really really hurt to lose.

As if it mattered she calls the cops to report the stolen goods. In reality I could have pressed charges on her but I decided to nice.

I’m now officially done. The whole situation still makes me feel bitter.
How do you go from wanting to have a child with me to throwing symbols of who I am away like garbage?

I understand all she wanted was for me to show her she’s more important than something I also care about but the way it all went down was disrespectful with no tact.

The last thing I said to her was via text.

I texted her – her original name before she moved <I found it through the privacy policy clause on her old website> to the United States and change it followed by:
“…. I just wanted you to trust me and believe I would have your back. It doesn’t matter anymore. But know, I was able to piece together the string of lies and illegal actions you built your identity upon. I feel sad for you… you’re alone and part of you will always be empty. Maybe the demon cursed you”