So you decided to be an asshole. I hope you can afford it. Listen I’m not one to judge but karma and fate eventually catches up to all of us so it’s best to break up and try to get back together or be honest about seeing other people. So many, better ways, to spin sh*t.
Anyway, from my life lessons learned here are the top 5 ways you’re gonna get caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
5. You gave her a key
I know it sounds stupid but in all likelihood you got pressured into this, or maybe one time you got locked out and it made sense to have someone, you thought you were casual with, hold on to a key.
Nevertheless, you just set yourself up for the unexpected “I was in the neighborhood…” or “I wanted to say hello”. Now we all know that 98% of girls never do things out the of kindness of their heart so she’s gonna come in one day.
I think the funniest thing with this one is I was completely alone and got caught jerking off to porn. Somehow that was considered cheating in this one girls’ mind.
Can’t speak much of a defense to the 1st part of this but as it pertains to the second part… Men jerk off. A LOT!!! Who are these women that consider that cheating.
Yeah I’m talking about you Judy!
4. Who’s hair is this?
Uh-Oh!!! Someone forgot to retrace their steps.
Listen this is a tough one.
Girls shed like crazy, especially when they get the least bit excited.
Pillows, blankets, the sweater you had on last night in the laundry…. The hard-wood floor!!! <socks will pick it up eventually>
Dust it!
Wash it!
Once over with a mop.
3. The Bathroom
Check the garbage, check your hair-brush, look out for a clump of makeup that fell next to the sink – it’s gonna happen!
The girl probably spent a decent amount of time here so check once. Wait 20 minutes, then check again.
*** don’t forget the previous number ***
2. Underwear or clothes left behind
For the life of me I still don’t understand how this happens.
Either she is in such a rush to leave and forget about last night or the sex was so good she’s in a daze and you’re rushing her out.
Or just maybe it’s her way of keeping in touch???
IDK!
I’ll quickly share a terrible story about I girl I really really liked finding panties under my couch once.
Well that was the story…
I still do not know how long these MF-ers were there. Utter nightmare!!!!
You think you’re about to get head and then all of a sudden she throws a pair of panties at you. At first I thought it was her’s. Then the comment she made finally sunk in and made sense.
I’m still having nightmares of that.
- SMELLS
Cleanliness is next to Godliness. So when it comes to tidying up the place the next day, don’t’ be lazy. As you read before this is critical and When I say lazy this means retracing your steps from the previous night and erasing all signs. The most looked over item here is “SMELL”. You got all the physical evidence, but remember even if you aren’t convicted in the criminal trail they can still take you to civil court and win (if you’re an asssssss0)
Most girls wear a unique scent and while I only take notice of the ones I don’t like – much like shoes, handbags, and lipstick colors this is something women pay attention to.
So unless you want to invent a weird cross-dressing fetish. Or all of a sudden got a new cousin or sister 18+, make sure to wash the sheets, Febreeze the couch, and light a F-ing candle!!!
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