Quick bizarre run-down of the new immigrants I’ve been dealing with in the New Normal of New York City.

1. A chick wanted me to use a translator and text her in Spanish
2. Then a Brazilian (major smoke-show), another Translator date
3. Made a last call friend who I had to kick out at 4:32am
4. Last some who barely spoke English then I tossed her phone out the window (this one is wild)
   

1. So this have been recurring a couple times. Latin American females telling guys to use a translator tool to message them.
   When we say NO they get a little worked up about things.
   Really??? WTF “way to give the new immigrants a bad name”.
   No hate in my heart but meet me half way with things. Sh*t blew up quickly…
   
2. But have you ever gone on a date with someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you – and it was pretty AWESOME?!?!
   
   *OH Brazil … you spit out some winners.*

Here’s the tale of my mostly translator date that was actually pretty good overall (in the grand scheme of things).

Having lived abroad I understand what it’s like to be a stranger in a strange land. Learning a language is never easy and the only way that you do so is to throw yourself into the deep end.  
What better motivation than having a significant other to spur you on?

This is not the first time I’ve done one of these dating app translator dates. But it was the first time I’ve done it here in the states.

<Normally I’m the one traveling looking to meet (and make friends with) locals.>

So why did I do it?
– Have you seen some of the smoke-shows that come out of Brazil?

<back to the story>

Things got off to a rocky start. I was hoping that the girl had semi-functional English but it was ‘deer in headlights’ from the start.

So, a lot of the conversation was drinking and being direct to the point. Couple with that the use of hand and body language to convey emotion. It was clunky and awkward till the alcohol kicked in. Then it got a bit easier.

On one hand it was nice to have a girl intensely trying to understand what I had to say. On the other, I couldn’t really be myself – being funny, wasn’t possible nor was I able to really let my personality out.

It is uniquely awesome to have someone actually ‘want’ to hear what you’re doing with your life and learn more about you and the area you are from. Wasn’t really sure how this would net out as I also felt like I on a pre-teen first date where making a move could have been seen as taking advantage of the other person.

When I’ve been the stranger in the strange land just the opposite. I’ve had some awesome experiences with foreign nationals in a ton of countries. I think when I’m the outsider it’s up to the girl to accept or reject me. More often than not when accepted it’s lead to something fun.

This time not so much. We have plans to hang out again but I’m not sure if it will go far. Part of me is just hoping she’s lonely and needs some physical company. We shall see.

3. Next, a confusing personal experience
I’ll write this one, short and to the point because it’s so bizarre. There’s no reason to embellish. Coming home one night I decide to stop by a local irish pub for ‘1 more drink’

I feel like so many great stories start off this way

Upon entering the place and grabbing said drink I notice 4 Latina females on the prowl

–  looking for love in all the wrong places

So I strike up a conversation with one of them. Two Columbian – two Venezuelan women in the group. The one that speaks the best English seems to be running the show and leads the conversation.
– I’m thinking she’s kinda feeling me
As it’s a Thursday night and getting late (close to last call) we chat for a bit and I joke that “we should go to the best bar in town” – aka my place. She says “okay” without a hesitation – luckily her friends are already chatting up the other guys in the bar. So we <Irish Goodbye> leave and head back to my place.

This felt like something that would happen in college with young dumb youht…. I know about 4 things about this girl and am pretty sure she’s been here <illegally> maybe 2 weeks – if that.

We get back to my place, and it’s on right off the bat.

So, the fun isn’t really the best part of the story. After the fun is where it gets interesting. I show her around my place. All of a sudden I notice a twinkle in her eyes and get the vibe of building excitement. It’s about 3am now and I’m ready for sleep.

She isn’t though.

She keeps asking me about my 2nd bedroom (I use it for storage). With a line of questions, “what are doing with it?”

I don’t really think anything of it but she won’t let it go.

Then she asks if she can bring a suitcase over tomorrow and that’s when stuff got weird.

I’m a bit confused … does this chick thinks after a bit of intimacy she’s moving in???

It got so annoying I ask her to leave.

She’s now confused and I tell her we will chat more tomorrow.
She’s begging to stay but I’m just thinking ‘go away’.

Always repercussions when things are too easy.

Anyway, I call her an Uber, walk her out, and then the next day tell her I’m not comfortable with the hosting of her suitcase and possessions.  

That didn’t go over well and I get yelled at in Spanish via text. I’m just thinking to myself. I didn’t promise anything, and she was the aggressor in the brief back and forth. Not sure what reality she had conceived going into the whole thing.

• 4. Last but not least – This is the Craziest One.
  – Match on Tinder with a girl who just got here.
  – She tells me about her struggles and we never meet up.
  – Fast forward a few weeks and I’m pretty sure she ends up escorting or something.
  – Her WhatsApp turns into sexy photo updates and I respond to one of them.
  – It’s an awkward back and forth then one day she asks me what I’m doing tomorrow?
  – I joke “hanging out with you…” and she says “good, message me tomorrow”. So she asks for an Uber and we set a time to meet. I’m not 100% sure what to expect but figure we are gonna hook up but I say “let’s listen to some music and take it from there”
  – She comes over and her English was like trying to have a conversation with the ‘SPECIAL’ new muppet on Sesame Street.

– ‘- Half of our communication is via translation app and I’m kinda over it.
– Then sensing my boredom she grabs my c-ck.

OH!!! It’s On

– Then she asks me to grab something and I leave the room for 10 seconds.
– I come back she has her phone out filming me. I’m like WTF.
– She’s like “No papi, I was to record this…” I say no but she’s insisting now.” She starts filming me naked and I get a little pissed off. I ask her again to stop and delete it and she says NO!

Not sure if she was being playful about it or what was being lost in translation but NOT COOL! After another attempt to get her to stop and delete what she recorded. I write on my translator “what will you do with this?” she says “post on my OnlyFans”. So I kinda freak out a bit and overreact.

I take her phone and throw it out the window.

– She flips out and it’s a thing now.
– We both get dressed, I’m getting yelled at so I tell her to call the police.
– That’s when she realizes there’s not much she can do.

She then asks me for money. I laugh and say “no” but tell her I will go try to find her phone.

Honestly, I just want her to leave.

– Long story short, get her to leave. She writes down her other phone # and I find the phone.

The cherry on top!

I hack into the phone and find she’s been doing this with a bunch of people.
I delete my info and media.
Then write her and say I’ll mail back the phone.

Crazy Crazy SH*T…